My AGP Dudes - It Does Get Better

[This post is for AGP males - straight guys that deeply wish they were gay women. If this isn’t you, the post isn’t for or about you.]

I know it’s hard to believe right now. You’re stuck in a male body. It is undesirable. No one wants you. No one is attracted to you with a deep, grasping-at-the-pelvic-core, I-want-to-subsume-you-into-my-soul type of hunger. Everywhere you look you see beautiful, angelic beings. People who draw you like riptide over the rocks of your own desire. You want them, and you want to be them. Can you even imagine what two such people would be like, swirling around and into each other? A roaring whirlpool of desire-feedback.

Of course you can, you do it all the time, and it would be the best thing in the world.

Instead you’re gross and scary and just your presence somewhere degrades the quality of life & experience for others in the area. The best you’ll ever be able to do is get women to politely overlook that if you can provide resources and friendship. And nothing can ever change that.

Except actually things can, and very often do, get much, much better.

I. You’re Trapped In A Temporary Local Minima

No one tells you that men peak in attractiveness much later in life. In your teens you are near your absolute minimum in attractiveness, and it takes quite a while to ramp up. Even guys who are super hot in their 20s tend to get significantly hotter as they age.

I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T GET IT EITHER!!!

But that thing where no one wants you? That goes away. You get resources, you get established, you get perspective and accomplishments and the chill that comes with some small bits of wisdom. You get a few distinguished lines in your face, some silver in your hair, and women just start to get interested. It’s insane. It’s the opposite of what any of us would expect. It feels like that time you realized god is fake and the entire world was lying to you.

Yeah, it takes some work. You have to actually be interesting, amass some resources and wisdom, and stay healthy. But if you don’t fuck anything up badly, that’s the normal course of life. You will become more attractive.

It’s legit fucked up that the sexes have decades of age-disparity in hotness. It’s unfair to younger men, and unfair to older women, and I def want to speak to evolution’s manager about this horseshit. That being said — as long as you can hold on, it will get better.

II. Holding On Until It Gets Better

Sitting out a decade+ of life is a tall fucking order for most people. How does one get through this crap?

Well, I’m not the best role-model. I fast-forwarded several years of my life with alcoholism, and I would definitely NOT recommend that option. That being said, if you’ve learned how to manage depression, then congrats, you are 50% of the way there already! The skillsets are very similar.

1 - Don’t dwell on it. Don’t ruminate on how much it sucks you’re in this position, and how much better everything would be if reality was different. I knew a guy who is a bit on the short side (not super short, just a bit shorter than average) and he let it ruin his life. He couldn’t think of anything else. Every failure was due to his stature. Every missed opportunity would have been a huge success if he had another five inches. It ate him up. Most short guys just kinda shrug and deal with it. They have much better lives than the obsessed dude, even if it’s factually true that he would be better off if he was taller. Acknowledge, and move the fuck on.

This does mean limit your fantasizing. That only feeds the beast inside. It means not watching Bound more than every other year at most. Avoid lesbian porn. Etc. Constantly comparing reality to a perfect fantasy that exists only in the imagination is deranging in the long term. Do it rarely, it is a sometimes-food.

2 - Consider changing your social landscape. You know how if you’re depressed and you hang out with a lot of people who are also depressed, and keep talking about how miserable everything is and how awful the world is, you all keep feeding each others neurosis and you spiral into complete despair? You know how you had to end friendships and break off contact with people who are constantly critical and super negative and hate humanity, not because they’re bad, but just for your own mental health so you don’t end up killing your damn self? You may have to do that for AGP as well.

There are people out there who will feed your self-disgust. There’s a lot of them actually, especially if you live in a large urban center or you’re on a college campus. These people will kill you, unintentionally. It turns out there are actually a lot of women who do like men, who will admire men even if they aren’t attracted to every man, and will not toss bloody meat directly to your I-am-repulsive inner wolf. There are women who believe men are good! They are your lifeline. They are the friends you need. They will keep hope and joy alive in your heart until you age into hotness.

III. You Will Eventually Get Most of What You Want

Yeah, fine, you won’t ever be a sexy woman having sexy sex with other sexy women. But you will eventually be having sexy sex with sexy women! And by “sexy sex” I mean the kind where they really, truly do desire you. And every now and then you can look at yourself in a mirror and think “I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. I have none of the sexy parts. What even is this?”

Then you’ll shrug, because you don’t have to get it. You’ve created what she wants, and that’s what actually matters. The old fantasies lose their power when they have almost nothing left to promise you. It is this body that causes her to flush and squirm and come over to rub her face in your chest and inhale your scent. This is what brought you the amazing bounty of everything you always wanted. Life is good. Go enjoy it.