Goth 101

So you’ve decided to hack your happiness set point.

It’s very easy to go to your first goth thing. Obvs first you need to know where something is going down. Google “Goth Club” or “Goth Night” + your city. If there isn’t one, there’s a lot of overlap with SynthWave. You can try a SynthWave night, it’ll have similar vibes and people, and someone there may be able to point you to a goth club. (If you’re in Denver, I recommend Milk Bar on Wednesday or Sunday nights (Weds is better) ).

Outfit

Outfit for your first time is dead simple. Put on your black stuff. Black dress for girl, or black T-shirt and black jeans for anyone. Black shoes preferable, the more boot-like the better. I recommend putting on black eyeliner too, but not strictly necessary.

A black T-shirt and black jeans aren’t expensive even when bought new. And you can use them in your regular daily outfits! So it’s not just a costume outlay for something you may never do again. You can usually easily pick these up at a thrift store for just a few dollars. This actually can help with the goth look, because distressed clothing is a common costume feature.

Eyeliner can be a couple dollars. It’s kinda a pain to apply your first few times, but it’s absolutely worth the effort. Yes, guys, I’m talking to you. If you have black eyeliner on, everyone knows you are goth and you are in the right place. Importantly - it makes you look 30% hotter instantly. Everyone looks better in eyeliner. It may feel weird to put on, but you’ll feel less weird in the club than if you don’t have it on, because it’s the second-most strongly goth-coded thing there is (behind all-black clothing).

Remember that nothing has to be perfect, because it’s going to be pretty dark where you are, and everyone’s mostly looking at the hottest people with the most elaborate costumes anyway. Good enough is totally fine.

Music

There’ll be a lot of things like VNV Nation, Sisters of Mercy, She Wants Revenge, Type O Negative, Health, Nine Inch Nails. Expect some remixes. Be prepared for occasional slow anthems. Remember that you can sit down or just hang out any time you want.

OMFG don’t forget earplugs!!! DJs are broken, their ears don’t work, you need some. I normally do one ear at at time and switch every 30 minutes. If the club is loud enough you may need both, high-fidelity ones are nice.

Dance is mostly solo. You do your own thing on the floor, move however the music makes you want to move. It’s usually easier to ease into it with rocking or stepping side-to-side, and head-nods. Everyone finds their own groove and everyone dances different, to the point that I am tempted to post about how one’s dance style at a goth club is almost a fingerprint. You can tell who’s dancing at a distance once you know them just by the way they’re moving.

That being said, this video is both satirical and a legit good starting place. These are in fact common to see, easy to do, and can match the music well.

Intoxicants

The biggest potential pitfall to using the Goth Scene to increase your happiness set point is alcohol. Some alcohol is great! Recommended, even! But alcohol is depressive in the long term, especially if overused. Be careful with it, moderate yourself, or you can end up making things worse instead of better. I’m generally happy with a couple drinks early on, and then one every 90 minutes (with water in between), but I’m 6’2” and drink sorta regularly, you may want less. Or, if you know of other substances that work well for you, perhaps go with those instead.

Friends

All this is much easier and more fun if you bring along at least one friend. Also, when you make plans with a friend, it’s much harder to back out afterwards due to last minute nerves.

If they don’t know about this whole Goth thing, show them the part on Outfit so they see how easy it is! :)

I hate saying this, but don’t show up to most clubs until they’ve been open an hour. They’re dead at first, which is fine if you know people and can chat, or brought friends, but awkward otherwise.

If you like doing this a lot you may start adding to your outfit collection and accessories, and perhaps even consider the Black Hair Dye of Ultra Sexiness. :D But that comes over time. If it’s not for you you can stop having spent very little money, and with a bonus simple shirt and pants to show for it.

Now go out and sway nerdily to gloomy music! It’s surprisingly fun!